 | |
This is the best
time of year to let yourself go to pot! So much food and drink, with so little
time. Don’t worry though, just like magic all the weight falls off on January
1st. Here are some tips to look and feel your worst, not just over the holidays
but all the time. I am tired of telling people what to do to better their
situations, and they don't listen. So, here is some reverse psychology:
Tips to Look and Feel Your Worst at
Work
1. Blame your situation on other people. Eating candy at
work makes everyone feel better. You don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings if
you don’t eat any of their birthday cake.
2. Even though you brought your lunch, you eat out with other co-workers by
ordering a hamburger and fries. Or foolishly think of eating healthy by ordering
a salad covered in ranch dressing. Don’t forget your Diet Coke!!!
3. Work a ton of hours. Because of you, your company exists. If you didn't work
18 hour days they would be out of business in a matter of weeks!!!
4. Go in to work early and stay late. Order pizza so you can stay at your desk
and work.
5. Make sure to attend happy hour on Fridays. The neighborhood bar has great
nachos and hot wings. Plus, with such a bad week you deserve a few cold ones.
6. Continue working for a psychopathic boss. Even though you hate going in
everyday, you are at work. You can't change jobs, because so many people count
on you.
7. Make sure and attend the company party, and eat as much chocolate and potato
chips as possible. Drink as much as possible to numb the pain. It will help get
you through another crappy holiday party. Make sure to get someone to drive you
home.
8. Park as close to the front door as possible and take the elevator. Heaven
forbid, you get any exercise during the day.
9. Make sure to stare at your computer all day. Do not, under any circumstances,
get up and walk around for a few minutes. Your back loves being bent over and
leaning forward all day. But hey, isn’t that what Advil is for?
10. Misery loves company. Talking about getting into shape and not doing
anything about it will surely get a group of people together. Maybe you could be
the chairperson of the “all talk and no action club”.
Willis J. Barkley
Tips to Look and Feel Your Worst at
Home
1. Be sure to schedule your kids for events all days and
times of the week. You would hate to have any free time.
2. Go though the drive thru as much as possible. Between soccer practice and
choir the kids have to eat!!
3. Don't make meals at home. Eating out or getting carry out is so much
healthier for your family. Kentucky Fried Chicken is bringing family dinners
back. Thank Goodness!! What would we do with out KFC?
4. After a long day, lay on the couch and watch TV. With 100 channels and Tivo,
you are bound to find something to watch.
5. Get mad at your dog for being hyper. Dogs were meant to stay cooped up in the
house all day. All dogs hate to go on walks. If your dog is fat, you may be as
well. Our dog Willis is big boned!!!! Maybe the dog will lay on the couch with
you.
6. Eat ice cream every night, and not just a small amount. Fill up the bowl,
don't forget the chocolate toppings. Ice cream makes everything all better.
Right?
7. Eat really late. 9:00pm or later is best to fill up on a ton of calories.
Afterwards, fall asleep on the couch. I can’t understand why you feel so
terrible in the morning.
8. Never deprive the kids. Make sure they have high sugar cereals, potato
chips, white bread and plenty of Kool-aid. Let them eat as much candy as they
want to. Kids got to be kids!!! Even if you have fat kids, they will grow out of
it. Kids don't get heart disease or diabetes do they? If so it’s the school's
fault since they serve lousy lunches.
9. Don’t do anything on your own. If your spouse doesn't want to go on a walk,
then why should you? If your spouse wants to drink a ton of beer and eat pizza,
why shouldn’t you? It’s ok for men to be fat, but women should never be. Talk
about a double standard!!
10. Blame your size on genetics, your spouse, your thyroid or anything other
than what you do with your own body!!!!
I hope I made my point, while not being mean spirited.
Simply put, if you are doing any of the above behaviors, you will have a very
hard time making progress in maintaining a healthy lifestyle. You are in control
of how you look and feel! Don't give the power of your lifestyle away to other
people that don't have your best interest at heart. At Functional Conditioning
we don't expect you to be perfect, only to do your personal best.
Client of
the Month
Mark has been coming in since February of
2007. He has done an outstanding job! Not only is he a full time student at
Pomona High School, he also makes time to exercise. Bob and I have seen
improvement in Mark’s posture, strength, coordination, balance and attitude.
Mark looks forward to coming in weekly for his workouts. He always gives 100
percent effort and is a pleasure to work with. We are confident that Mark will
maintain a healthy lifestyle into adulthood!
|
